Pity

You always bragged how you have taught your children well. How with your way, you children still become, well, human.

Well I guess it is, knowing that in all you five sons,

first son: lack of hygiene. engaged 5 times, divorced once, and now have salary lower than his wife

second, controlled by his wife.

third, not praying at all. husband and wife. had a western lifestyle. god knows where he got the money, albeit the spending he did, and where did he goes late at night, getting money from god knows where?

fourth, for one year, NEVER came back town. eventhough he has lot of holidays. he would rather stayed at his house than coming back to the town.

five, can't wait to leave this house. damaged.

The junior issue

As I said in the previous post.

There was this Junior R (Jr), who was Mr R's and Mr F junior in high school. Mr F used to call him as "Mr R's younger brother". Because this Jr was extremely close and chatty with Mr R.

When I met Jr, it all seem so obvious to me. Jr is a PLU. Hahaha.

And Jr is so obvious that he was putting Mr R above anything. I mean he invited Mr R to his house, to his party, his event and so on.

Not forgetting, Jr keep pestering me asking about Mr R. Duh~!

Anyhow,

I saw that Jr made "questionable" comment on the Mr R photo on his recent trip, like complimenting Mr R was sexy on the Facebook. So public. Oh my God! This Jr, why did you do that?? :-0

Jr was pestering me too when I check-in on the Facebook, tagging Mr R and Mr F. Jr asking me to send his regards to Mr R.

Then, I just knew that Mr R has blocked Jr on the Facebook. I am so happy. Serves you well, slut!! One opponents/competitor down! XP

Mr R, Mr F and me, we talked about Jr. Mr F couldn't be more hyena-ish by making Jr looks worst. Mr R told me there was this one time Mr R met with Jr. Jr for no reason, wanting to hug Mr R. Mr R was just came back from the gym.

Obvious much?? -.-

Because of that, I need to keep my act. I mean there were some of my straight friend who touches and hug, but people don't say anything. They did it on the right moment, so people just perceived that as being close.

Now, because of Jr, I can't do that now because I don't want Mr R thinks I am gay.

I was terrified when Mr R look at my iPhone photo gallery and found a model's photo that  I print screen. But he don't say much. I don't say much to his question too haha.

I pitied Jr. But then, it was all Jr's fault for not being discreet.

The most annoying part is I become the middle men. I could just ignore Jr too but this little voice inside me said that I need to be patience because maybe someday I need his favor. Or as a wise men said, "you good favor towards other person may not be returned by that same person, but maybe by other person".

Really, Jr. You need to learn more. I wished I could give his some advice, maybe even came out on him, gave some real life pointers, experience etc, but it is too risky. I can't trust Jr. Or anybody else except my bestiesy (there's just one actually).

And I'd must say Mr Jr is not a confirmed good people. I have so much doubt on him. He don't even invite me to his party. <--- thus the main reason of my anger hahaha

I meant, by now, you should have known that you will lose more when you are parading you feeling toward somebody, rather just acting normal and go with the flow. If you can't be with him, I guess it is still fine if you can be besides him. I mean like me, I just slept beside Mr R, and saw Mr R half-naked. :-0

Trip

A few days ago, I went to a trip. This time to the Southern Malaysia. With my straight batchmate friends. Hot straight friends. Mr F and I went to Mr R's house. Tee hee hee...

I used to have a crush on both on them. Mr F is the first one that I befriend. He talked to me first. To the group that I was in, actually. We had some conversations. Then suddenly we just can  "mix in", and now become close friend. I even moved in his house. But then, the feeling was not strong.

I guess my taste still on the fairer skin. LOL

Mr R, well when the first time I saw him, I was like, "OMG!! Fair skin, Cute!! I am so gonna talk to him". But then I felt inferior. I feel intimidated with good looking people.

Then I found out that Mr R was close with Mr F, as he always went to our rental house. He even slept here. By the slip of fate, I befriended him too.

When I got my ultimate crush on Mr G, I don't look back anymore.

But I still love to have a look at his face.

But then, he went to the gym in our final year. The feeling came back. But not really strong. (I am so visual lols)

When my besties said he interested in Mr R as I showed him my graduation dinner video, suddenly the feeling came back to me.Talking about being bitches and wanting what other people wants. LOLs.

Anyhow,

I just wanted to recaps the best moment ever in my life so far, as a closeted gay.

Turn out, one of our plans was to go to Mr R's grandmother's house.


In the late afternoon, I was very sleepy, so I took my nap. Mr R and Mr F was chatting outside. Then they came in. I was half asleep when I realized Mr R land his face on my armpit. And acting like he was eating it. -.-

It was cute, but me being a good girl guys, I brushed his hair and pushed him to stop. I was quite surprised. And scared. Because I think my armpit was not smelling that nice -.-


At night, it was the best moment for me.

We are squeezing ourselves, sleeping together on the bed.

I am envious of Mr F and Mr R. There were schoolmate in high school. During my studying years, they used to sleep on the bed together. Mr R, when he moved to a house far from the university, stayed at our house for sometime. I always wanted to squeeze in but I don't find ways to make it without people to think it as weird. And also because I was fat. Haha.

Nothing big happened really. Except there was some skinship here and there. Sometimes when I turn my body to other side, I directly faced with Mr R's face. It was the closest my mouth can went to Mr R's face!

I can't sleep well. I mean, I felt excited, nervous, but happy. Imagine, two of your good looking guys was sleeping besides you. Imagine, all the "harass" that you can do, while pretending it happening because of your sleeping habit.

But I am being cautious, again, as Mr R is so homophobic, so I kinda afraid to do anything. And with the recent junior problem. Slut!!

I wanted to stare to Mr R sleeping face all night, but it seems that he always facing away from me. It doesn't help that the weather was hot, so I need to turn my body too.

When he was facing me, I stared to him, but then I felt asleep because I am tired LOLs.

I somewhat, wanted to stare to him, and if he accidentally awake, I could give the "I am falling all over you right now and I wish to have sex with you" look. XD

During the sleep, Mr R was moving a lot, towards the centre of the bed, which means, toward me. Till one time, my head was practically on his shoulder. It was a very warm feeling. I moved my head a bit, making it closer to him.

Too bad the alarm goes off. Meeeehhhhh!!!!

But lucky me for not going overboard or anything, because Mr R actually half asleep too. I mean there's some event at night like Mr F getting a phone call at night, and that Mr R's grandmother woke up very early and was talking to somebody. He actually realised it. Hmm...

Anyhow, on the next day, thing gets so much fun. Or rather, sexy?

Mr R was only wearing boxer (I must say that his boxer is ugly as shit! hahaha), and walking around inside the room while we were talking. I must say, as I get to see more of him, I don't really felt the lust anymore. But I am so happy. Hahaha.

I guess I just like his face the most. He has been going to the gym, but because he ate the whey protein, and the usual daily food, he does have a big biceps, but his belly still quite flabby. But still flat.

He will definitely get so much hotter if he do a lot of cardio. And that belly lose all of its fat and starting to show six packs!

When he just took a bath in the morning, and putting his white shorts, half thigh length, I swear I can see his morning wood, (I do saw one when we was changing into towel and went to the bathroom) and if I was not mistaken, I can see the curve of his penis head.

I think his penis was about the same size as me.

But again, I don't really get turn on. I do get some erection when I thought that I will be sleeping in the middle of two guys, but that's it. I think maybe my hormone was at it lowest, or I was tired.

I don't felt longing to anyone recently.

In this trip, I have been seeing so much of Mr R. -.-

I already missed him, and this trip.

On a side note, I regretted that I make a fuss about Mr R sleeping habit. Because of that, he refused when Mr F asked Mr R too sleep with us on our last night at his house. He said I complained a lot. I was joking. (-.-")

Annoyed

I got my haircut today.

Yesterday, I rebonded my hair. By my own. Didn't turn out so well. So stubborn. Wonder what was wrong. Maybe I should have left it longer?

And today too, the hairdresser cut my hair too much. Damn it!! I mean what's the point of me rebonded if you are going to cut it all??

The worst part of it? She cut it while my hair was wet.

I already need to wait three days before wetting my hair. At first when she wet it, I though OMG. OK nevermind. My hair doesn't turn out well so I guess maybe after she trimmed it, it will work out well.

Then I see large amount of my hair being cut. OMFG!!!

Knowledge is power, knowledge also makes me annoyed with other un-knowledgeable people. ONE DOES NO SIMPLY CUT WET HAIR!! Because the hair will dry out, and the hair will become shorter that it is. It's hair styling 101!!! Or if you intelligent enough, you would cut the hair longer.

Damn it!

Well. It is a lesson to me. What do you expect from RM 8 haircut??

I should have been more persistent and more outspoken. Should have asked her to just trimmed the side and back while I'll trimmed the middle and upper myself.

There is other hairdresser that I used to go her shop was closed.

*************************************

I looked funny. My self-esteemed has already low as it can be, now it have gone the lowest. Like there's another hole in my before-low self-esteemed this now I have another level of low. OK wtf am I saying.

I am so envious of people who can be good looking with whatever hair style. :(

I am now figuratively crying over cut hair T_T

I hate being unemployed. I hate that I need to listen to my parent because I need their money. Pffftt!!

Mr H

Mr H called. Twice for the last two weeks.

Just now, he sounded so eager to arrange our meeting. By asking if I attend a post grad seminar or not. And asking about how I will go there.

Truthfully, no other colleagues ever mind to ask me. I mean I saw people talking about it on the twitter in a glance but they don't really advertise about the course on Facebook.

I don't really wanted to go. But somehow I felt left out. -.- But me myself when I know about this, I don't invite others too muahahaha

Anyhow this post was supposed to be about Mr H.

The first time he called, was asking me about the recipe for making cheesecake. Specifically, asking for the site that I took the recipe from.

 Really?? I am sure there are thousands of blog featuring cheesecake recipe, yet he bother to asked me?

Suddenly, I wonder if Mr H missed me? Haha.

Last two weeks I have been a bad guy by not telling him about my intention to visit my other friend who just got a baby. I just went without him. XD

On other notes,

My girlfriend was asking about Mr H availability. And wanted to matchmake him with her friend.

Mr H has no girlfriend that I know of. But somehow I felt reluctant to matchmake him haha.

Was it love?

He is cute all right but it seems that I have a love hate relationship with him.

I love he attitude, looks, behaviour an all but then I hate that sometimes he ignore me. And when he get all the attention hahaha.

But I don't bring out about the matchmake issue to him yet. I guess next time I can use that as an excuse to ask about his availability. Hehe

Get over

I thought I was getting over Mr G. But it seem that I don't.

He keeps appearing in my dreams.

Luckily those just a normal dream (LOLs!). And mostly of me, who was making the move. Like I am so desperate. Always trying to make a contact with him.

Which sometimes, makes me think twice in real life, whenever I wanted to mention him on the twitter, or liking his post on Facebook.

Maybe I thought too much.

Still, I wonder what he thinks of me? Would he ever spend a second, or even a fraction of second, to think about me?

I also wonder what was his perception of me. Well I do know that he keep associating me as always making cakes 24 hours, which is not, obviously. -.-

Anyhow, I seriously need to meet new people.

Six years, I have been with the same people.

But I hate that whenever we get to know a certain people, and feels that everything was right, after a while we need to say goodbye.

So afraid.

Well meeting and goodbye is life.