Teasing

After resting for quite sometime due to sprained ankle, finally I went to play futsal again. I went not only because I think it is an interesting way to exercise compared to jogging, but also I can see my crushes. XP

Mr G came to play futsal. While Mr H didn't. Well Mr H just having his wisdom teeth extracted. With his swelling which I accidentally poked this morning (I felt so guilty) I bet of course it would be a crazy thing for him to came.

Anyhow, Mr G is looking great as ever. Every now and them I keep on replaying the image of him shirtless. I'm wondering when would be the next time for me to have that opportunity.

Mr G played so well. So well until it almost made me hating him because he made me looks like I am like a toddler who just starting to touch the ball. Well I guess he has been playing for a long time so of course he play like a boss. As for me, I really wanted to make some session to practice playing by myself. But I wondered if it is worth it or not. Because I don't aimed to be a pro soccer player but a doctor.

Anyhow I was injured again that night. Sprained. My ankle has swollen that it looked so different from my other ankle. The pain was so intense until my feet was shaking.

The funny part was I was sprained when no body (and thus no ball) was around. I was standing but maybe I put my feet wrongly. Aish so unlucky. I really hope it is a normal sprain not a fracture.

Anyhow, I chat with Mr G. Actually I was eavesdropping his conversation with my housemate. They were telling stories about married football players who when they injured, their spouse will treat them. Like gave them as massage on the foot, or on the need. But my housemate of course as usually adding some dirty part to the talk (like massaging a bit higher) so I was like, "OMG you guys are so dirty!" Tsk tsk tsk.

And suddenly our topic resolve around my trip to SA. As I told you before, Mr G seems different because he seems close to me in SA but back here, he wasn't not.

Well, that night during futsal he did mention that he and I was close buddy in SA. I added agreeing with his statement by saying, "Yes we were. We even pushed through people together". I am not sure if it was my imagination or it was real because I think I notice that Mr G's face changed a little when I mention that. I hope he don't hate that fact.

Anyhow my housemate continues the conversation by telling Mr G that he heard (of course I am the one who tell him) Mr G skipped praying. Mr G laugh, and then teased me saying that I am his partner in crime and also said that I skipped praying while listening to the song titled "Meaningless".

I am glad that he remember the memory but for some reason I dislike that he associate me with that song. Well that song was quite girly. Of course if possible we all want to look good on people who we have our feeling on.

Caring

I need to prepare for my study group presentation. It is already 12 am. But never mind, procrastinating is the best policy. LOLs

So today I blurted out the whatsapp issues to Mr G. Well indirectly you can assume that I was saying things like, "Hey Mr G. I've been stalking your whatsapp for sometime and I realized that you've been whatsapp-ing frequently. So the question is, with whom?"

He don't have any classes today after the lecture. But I realized that he has been chatting in the whatsapp just around when the lecture is about to ends at 11:15 am. And then he chat at 2:15 pm. And his last chat was on 3:15 pm. And he stops there until now. Talking about devoted stalker. OK I just checked the whatsapp and his last chat was 11:20 pm T_T

Now I think I regretted coming too strong on him. Although I think I am glad he don't chat with whoever she/he is 24/7 (which then I could assume that he don't really in love with him/her), but then I thought maybe he just using the whatsapp to ask the other person to say, to get on her/his FB or YM or maybe Skype.

But then, I felt uneasy cause he chat lesser cause he was aware that I was watching him. Maybe I should just keep it to myself and poke it to him whenever the situation fits. And make a good laugh from it LOLs.

I think too much.

******************************************************

Anyhow, last week we have an assignment about Beauty and the Beast. Before the presentation, some of the groups made a survey. On of the question was "do you think beautiful people will be treated better?"

Well, I do. Cause I do it too. LOLs

Seriously, sometimes I can be very good to somebody because he is cute. But it was not until I realized all my deeds went to the drain. Cause in the end not all of them know how to appreciate it. You will find that they don't think that you are not really significant to them. Worst, they might don't even realized you were there.

I am not very attractive I guess. But sometimes when I ask for favour, I got it. And there are some cases when suddenly a stranger approaching me making a small talk. I still remember when I was about to go out from a car, I push the car door without seeing if there are people coming.

An auntie was shocked and his face was like she was about to scold me. But I apologized (in a quite low voice) then her face turn into a very big smile. To be happy for myself, I think he smiled cause I cute lol please vomit now XP

But for Mr G, I think I want to do a favour for him. I guess he was not one of those who ungrateful. But really, what can I do?

Sleeping

Today I have an informal meeting about the graduation book publication. The meeting place is next to Mr H's house, and one of the committee is Mr H's housemate. So before going to the arranged venue, I went to Mr H's house to see his housemate.

As other members still haven't arrived, I spend some time in the house.

I went to Mr H's room. He was sleeping soundly. Literally and figuratively. LOLs. I think he too have clogged nose like me. His shirt has lifted up a bit showing off some bare area around the waist. I can see his boxer and his fair abdomen skin. Such a sexy sight ^_^

I wish I could kissed that. *horny*

I love staring at good looking people who was asleep. Like in the movie, maybe I could kissed them. But the truth is they are not as unconscious as in the film because usually this people will wake up

I wish I could stay inside the room while staring at him. And make him realized I was staring at him when he woke up. But I guess the main issue is I am afraid I will be discovered by his housemates.

He was still sleeping when I went to the meeting. And my meeting finished, he was gone. I was about to show the video of him snoring. Well I guess I'll use the video to blackmail him later lol

Stalking

We are always afraid of unknown things. And sometimes, we also think too much.

I got a practical exam today. But I am too busy for last minute studying before the examination that I don't have the time looking for Mr G. But I think I noticed him when I was looking for my seat. But I don't really remember what he wore. Maybe I don't feel like the way I do before.

Well nowadays I saved his photos so I don't need to open his Facebook profile anytime I want to have a look at him *talking about full time stalker*

My face skin is getting better I guess, as I no longer felt itchy. And the texture is quite smooth. Maybe because I've been putting moisturizer nowadays and wearing skin mask whenever I have the time. But for some reason when I looked at the mirror while I was out, I realized my acne scar has never been obvious ever. Damn. If I only got money I would go for dermabrasion therapy.

Back to talking about Mr G, I installed whatsapp application so I can message freely with my friends. Not trying to be petty but sometimes the topics that we need to talk about is when the lectures, has the lecturer came or not etc.

I noticed that Mr G got whatsapp, as I see from my contact. It is unfortunate that I don't have anything to chat with Mr G, compared to Mr H whom I have chatted so much before. And whenever I opened whatsapp chat for Mr G, it always tells me that "last seen on 5/10 minutes ago"

That makes me thinking, with whom he whatsapp-ing?? Does he has girlfriend? Or worse (but also happy at some level cause I got a hope lol) he got boyfriend????

My next mission: unknowingly and secretly exploring his phone. Hehehe.

Chronicity

For two consecutive days I've seen Mr G at the lectures. But in that two days period of time, (except for yesterday) we have nothing much to talk.

I am so sad. Because we got nothing to talk about. We got so little in common. I like computers while he likes sports.. I felt very jealous with those who can talk a lot with him.

I always stalked his profile, and just now I saw that he post a picture on his wall and tagged other people.

For some reason, I think I have a very bad sickness. It turns into a serious chronic disease when I keep on wanting his attention. I wish he could liked some of my post on my wall. But then I seldom posted anything on my Facebook.

This morning we got some photoshot for the assignment group. I stand at the back, besides him. Our eyes don't met, and he seems reluctant to smile while posing for the picture. I thought maybe there was something troubling him.

So at that moment I thought, "ah fuck this!", so I went to other position. I decided it's better to try take a good photo rather that wanting to get his attention.

My face skin is troubling me nowadays. I felt so itchy and the tone is irregular. Does my magic soap doesn't work anymore??

Really, I need to get over this feeling. Or else my life would be a disaster.

He smiled...

...and complimenting my Japan tunic/genji that I was wearing. :)

I haven't see him for quite some time because his group has finished their round earlier. And because to go to the faculty just for the sake of listening to 1 hour lecture a day is so not worth it comparing the time one can stay and lie on the bed whole day (maybe skipping to take the bath LOL), so he (and the others) has been skipping the lectures.

And one can read the lectures from the notes.

Now it is my group turns to suffer a straight 3 consecutive days of afternoon clinical class -.-

Anyway last month during my trip with him, he jokingly said that he was angry with me because I always said things to him halfway. That is to say I thought of asking/telling him something so I said the beginning of the sentences but then I realized by question/story is stupid so I stopped myself. He told me I've been doing that for 3 times already.

But this morning when I greet him by saying, "Long time no see, Mr G?" *sarcasm*, he just smiled then said, "I heard that...". Then suddenly the professor came so he stopped his sentence.

By the end of the session I tried to ask him again what he would like to say actually, and even teased him NOT to say things halfway be like me LOL. But he has forgot. -______-

Usually he would say things that housemate told him. Like when I baked something, or buy something. But I do neither of those recently. Damn what would he say actually? ~.~

Somehow my heart felt like it has shrunk by wondering if he founds my blog?

Part of me want to come out to him but part of me reluctant because I don't want to destroy our friendship if the reaction is bad. But till now I think he was not homophobic. Maybe he does said things like, "what the recent news in the newspaper in Malaysia? Gay couple marriage?".

Again, I think it is bad if he really not homophobic because I read somewhere that a pure straight guys don't give a damn about homosexuals compared to those who 'pretend to be straight' because those pretenders felt insecure thus the extra bashing.

The crush started...

...when he was being too nice with me.

I always do my things alone because I hate to wait for others, and I don't want to burden them. So I always go to a place alone.

But then he suddenly approached me and said that he wants to try to know how it feels by walking with me. He said he has walked with other now it was my turn.

Hmmm....

Alone and miserable

Well not actually miserable.

Tonight is the final football match between well... God knows who. I don't actually give a damn about the previous matches but then, tonight I felt kinda lonely. And maybe loser

I mean when I open the facebook, or the twitter, everybody keep on mentioning about the match. And I am pretty sure tomorrow everybody's topic will be about that match.

My housemate knew that I don't really watch soccer but he jokingly asked me to go watch the match. But I am not interested.

Sometimes I wonder why did I am being like this? Why I felt uninterested in watching football? Why I can't be like other normal boys?

Well actually there are many factors. I don't dislike soccer actually but by my life experience so far, I have quite a bad experience with soccer.

I mean I don't think I have sufficient talent in playing soccer. Or in any other sports for that matter. Well, I do believe that if I practiced hard, maybe I could play well. But my environment during my childhood is so inconvenience. Because I keep on moving place, and the place that I stayed got no nearby football field. Or at least I don't really knew the kids who lives there.

My mother is the Headmistress at the school that I went. There is one day she rants to my father that she felt uneasy that one of the sports teacher feel reluctant to let me in the school's football team. Well she knew that I was not really a good player but still, the coach won't named me as the school's subtitute.

Of course, if I was the coach, I think it I do that, it would give a roar to the community. There are a lot of other kids who played better than me.

It saddened me that my mother need to forge certificates saying that I was in the school football team just for the sake that I can get into the boarding school.

My mother has sacrificed a lot for me. And I still don't do anything that makes she proud.

But I guess maybe she felt guilty cause she forced me to moved school. From a better equipped school to her less equipped school. Who knows, maybe I am good with other games? I think I am better with games that use the hand. Aren't we all? *smirk*

I don't ask to be born like this. I can't force myself to be pro in what I want in a blink. I can't like what I dislike. But why things was getting harder and harder everyday??

God I feels so frustrating. My grammar is so off. F*ck that.

Frust

Today again I have the last session for the said course last week. But for today, the courses started earlier as 10 am. Last week it started at 2:30 pm.

Of course I don't want to be a loser going alone to the course So at 9:30 am I made a phone call to everybody (not really everybody, only to two people lols) asking if they want to go to the courses but far from my expectation, these guys having such a lazy asses. The classes was supposed to be a revision so no wonder these people was a bit reluctant to go.

I felt a weird feeling about me who wants to go when those always hardworking and clever people don't go? So after the phone calls I decided not to go and went to lie on the bed.

Suddenly a phone call came in from one of the people that I called previously and then he said that he wants to go because he think there will be less people coming, so less people=more efficiency in learning. An his another reason (which seems to me, the MAIN reason) another person who is a top scorer came too.

I was quite reluctant at first because I thought of lazying around this morning, or if I have enough self-conscience, I was thinking to go to my second friend's house whom I called previously to study for the course's afternoon examination.

Well my ulterior motive is to visit my second friend who happen to live with Mr G so after visiting that friend I could visit Mr G pretending to ask him question or maybe asking to have a look at his notes while I was staring at his face actually when he was explaining to me and I keep imagining more things wtf 


But then the idea of going is not so bad because I'll go to my first friend's house before going to  the course, which happen to be Mr H's house too. I can see Mr G at the courses later but Mr H, I have not seen him quite some time.

When I rang the bell, Mr H opened the door. Mr H just woke up and was wearing shorts. Cute!! I love it when he wore shorts. And then after some short back-talk about my first friend, I went straight to Mr H's rooms and observing what he was doing.

While sitting inside his room, I notice that when he sat, the short went a bit up above his knee. I am not as excited as I was looking at his you-know-what (Well I do wish to look some other time!) but the sight was great!! He already got a fair skin, which I already love. But this time I can see his leg the area a bit above his knee. It is lean, toned and so sexy. It is already nice with the toned calf. Damn it!

But then, all I can do was just to look. I always wanted to hug him from behind.

I wonder how my senior during the high school can easily talk his way around one of my batch mate by asking to sleep on his lap, or sat in questionable position. A position which could make people talk (I am one of them, a bit disgust but most of it was out of jealousy lol).

But then my batch mate is not really good looking nor my type. But one thing for sure that senior (who actually is the same age as us but he got lucky to skip one year), use food to bait these boys. As for me, I am really picky about giving food to people for free that I am feeling indifferently to call these people parasite. Haha

Anyway, it was really a sight between me and Mr H. I wish he feels the same way towards me but not only I am not cute as him, Mr H is really religious. I think our relationship is totally not going to happen. I think he knew I am gay and maybe my staring at his knee

Meanwhile during the courses, I saw Mr G from a far. I went near to his place pretending to watch what he and the people around him was doing and even make some senseless comment but we didn't talk. And after sometimes he went to the back talking with other people. He don't greet me to the least :(

I haven't seen him for 3 days because we were in the different group and he even skipped the lectures. Such a naughty boy.

I want to have a quick conversation today with him. I even thinking of asking why I haven't seen him in the lecture but then those question sounds like I am desperate. In the end we didn't even talk nor meet our eyes. I have my pride too lols.

During my walk to home after the course, I have a talk with the Mr G's housemate, the second friend. My friend said that his family will stay in the house that he currently staying. So unintentionally, I ask about where Mr G will be staying. I thought Mr G will be staying outside with his sister but the my second friend say Mr G's sister won't be coming to the graduation day.

OMG I am so sad. He will be lonely on that day.

But for now, I think I am not really into him as I am before. For some reason I am missing Mr H more but it is a hassle to visit him because it gives me pain. A pain knowing you can only watch but couldn't have it.

Longing

Longing
I have multiple email account. One of them is for my alter ego of being a women, while most of the, is the real me. I started making multiple email account when I read in the internet that to use a single email is a dangerous path one would take.

Because during the Friendster reign (and Facebook too, but Facebook is getting private, i.e. people keep on giving less and less information LOL), one can stalk a person by typing the email. And with Google, you can type an email and see any related information.

So it is said that your future employer may type your given email in the resume to see who you are and any related information that can be found on Google.

I am adding all my email into my iPad because I realized I might not remember all their password, and I might forget to use which could end them being inactivated.

After that I realized my sister in law has sending me some of his blog post, which I have not been following for quite sometime.

I was reading one of the post when she mentioned about her trip with my brother and my parent to Kuala Y. Actually Kuala Y is the hometown of Mr H and Mr G.

Suddenly I was feeling like a longing pain in my chest. It was like I was imagining if I was there, maybe I would like to visit their houses. Or as somebody has said, when you are missing somebody, if you can't see him, to be able to see their house's roof is suffice.

You know, the feeling when you were in a place, and that place got some significant meaning for you. Like you have studied there, or the place you've walked before or in my case, the person I love is living there.

It is weird really. Whenever when I was in a place where I know my dear person was living there, I feel excited. Somehow I am quite confused what is my feeling is about. I read in the internet that my lust to man is not really a lust to have a sexual intercourse, but rather it is the friendship feeling, a feeling that you are feeling close to other man, just because you want to take extra care of him.

Truthfully said, I used to be the one who really cares about others. Even one of my friends has said those to me. But it has been quite sometiems that I no longer give a damn about other because I've been hurt. I feel like I am wasting my time taking cares about other when they don't give a damn about me.

Nevetheless, I am quite jealous with my SIL trip because actually Mr H has invited me to go to Kuala Y and promised to take me around. I am really looking forward to this trip not only because I never been there, but maybe because I can be with him. Hehe

But really my SIL went there just as a tourist. I believe my trip with Mr H (someday) would be more meaningful because he is locals.

What if

Today I played futsal again. I came a bit later that the starting time. Still, my housemate and I was the earliest.

As usual, of course I was waiting for Mr H and Mr G to come. To have my eye feast on them. That's one the reason I came LOL. But in the end, only Mr G came. And I don't felt as eager to play tonight because I was not in the same team as Mr G. Too bad.

Mr H did call me later on because he want to come to my house. I wondered why he didn't play tonight? Does he do so for the sake of coming to my house?? Is this a sign?

Still, we joked a bit, asking him to let me score a goal. Well I am not as pro as him. And also, I asked him about the incoming graduation day. I feel so bad for him because his parent can not make it to the ceremony. But he said that his sister is coming. Well at least there is going to be a family member to accompany him. 

Anyhow, after my short conversation with Mr G, my other friends was asking him if he want to go to the toilet. Because they said it is better to go in group. And that other friend jokingly said they could make the human meat "sword fight" to while being there. Haha these people really.

And suddenly before Mr G left to the toilet, he asked me if I want to follow them. Well I still don't believe going to the toilet in groups. Haha. Yet I am felt honored cause he invite me. Is this a sort of sign, again? I mean he does said to our other friends that he want to follow them later on but only after finished talking to me. 

OMG so sweet. To be honest I don't have a hard feeling if one wanted to leave during our conversation but I just love his gesture. Does he has some feelings for me too or does he just being nice?

Anyway, I am so going to take picture with him later on during the graduation days.

****************************************

I still got my pain from the my sprained left ankle during the last game. And too bad tonight my right ankle is in pain. But it was not severe. I guess. At least I still can walk.

Anyway I don't play much tonight. Not only I have pain in my feet, most of my team is not a pro player so I guess we me being the worst player so I'll just sit at the side letting other more pro player to replace me. So after a while it was Mr G and his team turn to play.

Well he is a well know pro soccer player. His skills is so amazing. I like to look at how he plays.

Then it struck me. This is so like high school. Like you are the nerd (of course girls) but then you have a crush on the school jocks. LOL

I am so depressed for a while. Always, when I looked at him, I always thought why I have this abnormal feelings? Why I was not born as a woman? Or why I don't have my lust to women? Why? Why?

I feel so tired and frustrated because I can only look at the people that I like from a far. If I was a girl, at least there should be some hope. Well maybe if I was a girl I won't be attractiveness enough for him.

Still, it won't be weird as I am right now to imagine that I was holding his hand, looking at his face with love and taking care of his needs. Seriously, I am willing to be his housewife.

But life is no bed of roses.

****************************************

When I arrived home, I watched some Korean drama, the Rooftop Prince. This episode shows that Park Ha, the girl, thought that the Prince has gone back to Old Seoul, the Joseon era, and she was crying.

Suddenly this brings back a memory back then when I was little. I have many friends, but I always need to move because of my parents 'jobs. Or sometimes my friends was moving away.

It is so sad. The feeling of knowing that you are not going to see you friend anymore. Or at least, it would be hard to see them again. I am so totally going to cherish this moment until the graduation day. And I am so going to cry hard. 

To think I won't be able to meet Mr G and Mr H. GOsh it is so sad.

Soccer

As I told you before, I went with my third crush, Mr F to buy a soccer shoes. Well I don't really a pro nor amateur soccer player but I think I want to try new things now.

Furthermore, I can see Mr H, Mr G and Mr F in action. LOLs

Mr G and Mr H is a good friends from high school. And by the slip of fate, I was in the same team with both of them. OMG I am so happy. I was thinking was to make a skinship with them but I don't have any idea how. Or maybe I don't want to be seen as weirdos.

I am not very good at sports. Well I am not really sure if I got the talents. Like some people can play well just by playing in a short period but I guess I don't have that trait. If talking about my advantages, or my positive trait that I got, I think I can say that I am good at catching things fast during studying. That is to say, I only got my brain. I don't have a good body, nor good face. But recently I am to lazy to even use my brain at it maximum.

Anyway, Mr G and Mr H have been so supportive. How can I not adore them if they are so nice? I mean, they don't smoke, don't skip classes, perfect in almost every way (Mr H is bit short but nevertheless he is so cute until I would want to hug him, and keep on staring at his face all day) and they are being good with their parent. Really, I am so jealous to their wife, if they are not like me.

I don't really know where this post is going. Haha

But one more things that I want to highlight is that Mr G again being too nice to me.

At that night during the game, we were sitting at the bench waiting turns for our team to play. He was looking for something inside his bag then suddenly he took out a packets of square-shaped gums (they were 1cm x2 cm area, about 0.5 thick. And in the packet they are 5 gums) then he offered me to take it. All. I mean, he don't bother to open it and offered me maybe like one or two but the gave them all to me.

And, they were other people there too but he only gave them to me.

Well maybe I was the only one who *cough* fat *cough* not so thin *cough* . Maybe he actually don't like the gums, and he too thinks others won't like it but me being *cough* not so thin so he would thought that I will definitely take the gums.

I was thinking to just keep the gums with me and treasure is as my momento of him but I guess that is so weird. LOL.

Still, the gums is quite tasty.

Really, Mr G why you are so good to me?? You are making me to keep on having high hopes.

Well I can't complaint really >.< I like that he was treating me this way. XP

Still, what would you think? Does he just being nice or could there be a itsy bitsy tiny weeny possibility of him to have feelings to me??

BIrthday

Today is my GF birthday. Weird isn't it? I said a lot in previous post that I have a crush on men yet why did I get a GF? Well it's complicated. I'll explain it next time.

Anyway I did always remind myself of her incoming birthday. Yet, I somehow fucked up. I only realized it was her birthday when somebody mention me on my twitter. Holy crap. And to realized that I was about to sleep. Things would get really really ugly if I slept.

She is living in Malaysia while I am living somewhere in Middle East. We got 6 hours of time difference. So when it was 12 am in Malaysia, it was 6 pm in here.

Now, again I have reminded myself to wish her at 6 pm but I forgot. What was I was doing back then? I did put my notification in my HP but I guess I don't set the alarm. hmm

Surprise, surprise. I was going out with my third crush to buy a soccer shoes. (I guess I am easily to fall in love?). OMG. Totally like a scene when a man and women in a relationship was caught cheating when the man was dating other woman. As for my case, I was having an unofficial date with the man. And I forgot her birthday because I was with the man. Totally ironic.

Our outing could not be classified as "magical" nor extremely fun but I guess I still forgot because I can't focus on many things at once. During our trip I did give him a lot of "hints" about my fondness of him but I guess he just thought I was making a joke. As I always did. But he is so nice with me till I always misunderstood the signs.

Damn I felt so guilty. Luckily I can get out of the situation by giving excuses of time difference. But still, she seems mad. From her smses. She even mentioned that I was wishing other girls earlier. LOL. If only she would knew I don't love girls as much as I want to be with men.

Still, I dont know what to do really. It has been a while since the last time I wished anybody in FB happy birthday other than my family. Wait, I dont even wished them. I only wished to my parent. By SMS.

Well, I guess it was totally my fault for forgetting to wish her. These days, I only give a rat ass to the birthday notification in FB. It just cluttering my profile.

Another reason, I don't really care about people's birthday anymore cause it just give me headache.

Heck, to leser the blame, I don't even know the  birth date of Mr G and Mr H. As Mr H, I just knew that his birthday was around Jan or Feb. Yet I don't care about his birthday because he got a gift from our friend, yet that our friend don't give me any. Yeah I am one of those person who keep revenge.

*************************************************

I wrote the above post on 7th May. But thank God till now, my GF forgives me. XP

Another day

Today is holiday, but due to my spontaneous decision, I need to go to the Advance Course at 1:30 pm. Damn there goes my holiday. I woke quite early, and still feeling a bit sleepy. But I don't even have the time to take a nap.

Still, I went to the course because I've paid for it (talking about things that you will appreciate when you ARE PAYING for yourself). And also because Mr G is going to. Well Mr H didn't go. Too bad.

Anyway when I arrived the first thing that I search was of course Mr G.

Actually the event would always start later than the said time but if I came late, I'll have to seat in the front because all other places (including at the back) is filled. I know front seat is the best when studying but I think I would definitely be sleeping during the lecture so sleeping at the front seat would be an obnoxious scene. For the lecturer. LOLs

When I was there, the seat where Mr G sat, there is an empty space at the end of the row. So I was like the third person next to him. Quite a distance, but still it is a good spot to steal a glance towards him once a while. Haha

Anyway we don't talk much. And I felt so jealous cause he talks too much with the person next to him. Even though the person next to him is well known straight. Talking about wanting to be the who was controlling WTF.

At the end of the course, after the theoretical lecture, we were having practical session.

We all gathered around the lecturer, trying to have a good look at the demonstration. I was about to go in between these people, and when suddenly to my liking, no want was sitting behind Mr G. But too bad I foolishly brought my bag pack with we because I kept my wallet in it. I was unsure either to continue standing there or to put my bag at my seat because I am afraid other people would take the place.

Until, I felt that the bag was so annoying and hindering my moments (LOLS) so I went out to put my bag on the seat. I thought, "Oh what the hell. I will just push other people". Talking about willpower for slutiness.

But to my advantage, no one took my place behind Mr G. OMG so lucky!

When I was standing there, I don't really watched nor listened to what the lecturer said. Well I did heard some of them but mostly I was dreaming about what would I will be doing to Mr G.

I really like his type of body. At first I thought how to start making body contact. I just put my hand at his shoulder, pretending that I was using him to support me. Then I thought this is so abnormal because he was thinner than me so it seems that he can't support me well. And my hand felt awkward.

Then, I moved my hand from his right shoulder to his scapula. Oh my. I am taking advantage of him LOLs.

Then I thought WTF am I doing? So awkward! Then I put my hand away.

I have many thoughts back then. One of them about I want to hug him very very much! Than lean body... Oh my. I wanna hug him!! I don't care if I can't be with him, but I wish I could hug him!

But I still have to control myself. Well I got to control myself nevertheless.

When we were back at our seat, I quickly hold his forarm and the pretending that I wanted to make the procedure. Then I thought what the hell am I doing. Oh my so foolish. Well who else would you show your foolish side other than you love ones, and as my case, to my crush. LOL

Then we were on break, when everybody was doing the procedure to themselves or their friends. As for me, I am too cool tired to do it.

When everything has almost finished, I went back to my seat first, but I went from the other way then going to the middle. But then when I reached my seat, I realized Mr G was on the other ends trying to go to his seat. In other words, he was at my seat going into my direction, while I was going to his.

I was thinking OMG I am so foolish entering at the wrong way. So I need to went out from the row first then I will let Mr G to go in first. Well I wish we could have our butt touched when he passed behind me but I guess I am not that slutty enough.

When he saw me, he said "Boo!" like those Casper ghost would say. I was like what the hell is he doing. I don't understand actually but nevertheless I just gave out my fake laugh and enjoying looking at his face. OMG so cute. :-)

It could be he that he was trying to make a jokes (or scare me? -.-) to me but failed and then end up look like a fool. See, it makes me think does he purposely making those jokes or what? Isn't it cute if the really intended to do that the jokes was a failure? LOL

Sometimes the sign is so misleading. Making me thinking do I have a hope or do I not.

Now, that "Boo!" thing made my day, and I will remember that for quite sometime. :D