Frust

Today again I have the last session for the said course last week. But for today, the courses started earlier as 10 am. Last week it started at 2:30 pm.

Of course I don't want to be a loser going alone to the course So at 9:30 am I made a phone call to everybody (not really everybody, only to two people lols) asking if they want to go to the courses but far from my expectation, these guys having such a lazy asses. The classes was supposed to be a revision so no wonder these people was a bit reluctant to go.

I felt a weird feeling about me who wants to go when those always hardworking and clever people don't go? So after the phone calls I decided not to go and went to lie on the bed.

Suddenly a phone call came in from one of the people that I called previously and then he said that he wants to go because he think there will be less people coming, so less people=more efficiency in learning. An his another reason (which seems to me, the MAIN reason) another person who is a top scorer came too.

I was quite reluctant at first because I thought of lazying around this morning, or if I have enough self-conscience, I was thinking to go to my second friend's house whom I called previously to study for the course's afternoon examination.

Well my ulterior motive is to visit my second friend who happen to live with Mr G so after visiting that friend I could visit Mr G pretending to ask him question or maybe asking to have a look at his notes while I was staring at his face actually when he was explaining to me and I keep imagining more things wtf 


But then the idea of going is not so bad because I'll go to my first friend's house before going to  the course, which happen to be Mr H's house too. I can see Mr G at the courses later but Mr H, I have not seen him quite some time.

When I rang the bell, Mr H opened the door. Mr H just woke up and was wearing shorts. Cute!! I love it when he wore shorts. And then after some short back-talk about my first friend, I went straight to Mr H's rooms and observing what he was doing.

While sitting inside his room, I notice that when he sat, the short went a bit up above his knee. I am not as excited as I was looking at his you-know-what (Well I do wish to look some other time!) but the sight was great!! He already got a fair skin, which I already love. But this time I can see his leg the area a bit above his knee. It is lean, toned and so sexy. It is already nice with the toned calf. Damn it!

But then, all I can do was just to look. I always wanted to hug him from behind.

I wonder how my senior during the high school can easily talk his way around one of my batch mate by asking to sleep on his lap, or sat in questionable position. A position which could make people talk (I am one of them, a bit disgust but most of it was out of jealousy lol).

But then my batch mate is not really good looking nor my type. But one thing for sure that senior (who actually is the same age as us but he got lucky to skip one year), use food to bait these boys. As for me, I am really picky about giving food to people for free that I am feeling indifferently to call these people parasite. Haha

Anyway, it was really a sight between me and Mr H. I wish he feels the same way towards me but not only I am not cute as him, Mr H is really religious. I think our relationship is totally not going to happen. I think he knew I am gay and maybe my staring at his knee

Meanwhile during the courses, I saw Mr G from a far. I went near to his place pretending to watch what he and the people around him was doing and even make some senseless comment but we didn't talk. And after sometimes he went to the back talking with other people. He don't greet me to the least :(

I haven't seen him for 3 days because we were in the different group and he even skipped the lectures. Such a naughty boy.

I want to have a quick conversation today with him. I even thinking of asking why I haven't seen him in the lecture but then those question sounds like I am desperate. In the end we didn't even talk nor meet our eyes. I have my pride too lols.

During my walk to home after the course, I have a talk with the Mr G's housemate, the second friend. My friend said that his family will stay in the house that he currently staying. So unintentionally, I ask about where Mr G will be staying. I thought Mr G will be staying outside with his sister but the my second friend say Mr G's sister won't be coming to the graduation day.

OMG I am so sad. He will be lonely on that day.

But for now, I think I am not really into him as I am before. For some reason I am missing Mr H more but it is a hassle to visit him because it gives me pain. A pain knowing you can only watch but couldn't have it.