Alone and miserable

Well not actually miserable.

Tonight is the final football match between well... God knows who. I don't actually give a damn about the previous matches but then, tonight I felt kinda lonely. And maybe loser

I mean when I open the facebook, or the twitter, everybody keep on mentioning about the match. And I am pretty sure tomorrow everybody's topic will be about that match.

My housemate knew that I don't really watch soccer but he jokingly asked me to go watch the match. But I am not interested.

Sometimes I wonder why did I am being like this? Why I felt uninterested in watching football? Why I can't be like other normal boys?

Well actually there are many factors. I don't dislike soccer actually but by my life experience so far, I have quite a bad experience with soccer.

I mean I don't think I have sufficient talent in playing soccer. Or in any other sports for that matter. Well, I do believe that if I practiced hard, maybe I could play well. But my environment during my childhood is so inconvenience. Because I keep on moving place, and the place that I stayed got no nearby football field. Or at least I don't really knew the kids who lives there.

My mother is the Headmistress at the school that I went. There is one day she rants to my father that she felt uneasy that one of the sports teacher feel reluctant to let me in the school's football team. Well she knew that I was not really a good player but still, the coach won't named me as the school's subtitute.

Of course, if I was the coach, I think it I do that, it would give a roar to the community. There are a lot of other kids who played better than me.

It saddened me that my mother need to forge certificates saying that I was in the school football team just for the sake that I can get into the boarding school.

My mother has sacrificed a lot for me. And I still don't do anything that makes she proud.

But I guess maybe she felt guilty cause she forced me to moved school. From a better equipped school to her less equipped school. Who knows, maybe I am good with other games? I think I am better with games that use the hand. Aren't we all? *smirk*

I don't ask to be born like this. I can't force myself to be pro in what I want in a blink. I can't like what I dislike. But why things was getting harder and harder everyday??

God I feels so frustrating. My grammar is so off. F*ck that.