Our different world

I always heard when a couple broke, either from a relationship or from marriage, the excuses always "we are not compatible"

Maybe it is just the phrase to cover another deeper problem but my point is, what is the definition of "compatible?". Does it mean the two person must have the same interest, likes and dislikes?

Or rather both of you is the total opposite, but in some way, you are completing each other?

This is NOT Mr G, but he totally looked like this. The innocent look, the beautiful smile. This is a scene in a porn LOLs

Mr G and I, we have different interest.

I am more like an indoor person. I like computer and technology related stuff. Which include computer games etc.

I play an online game name League of Legends (LOL). And some of my buddies also play that game. When we met, we can talk non-stop about it. Such a nerd.

My G, as I have mentioned it in my previous posts, love soccer.

And this days with the..... *google-ing for quite sometime* EUFA Premier Champions Europa League, things has been so hot in the Facebook's newsfeed. Oh I just knew that there are so many soccer events.

Mr G is of course is one of them

I just opened the web that I used to keep track on EURO 2012 while I was playing Fantasy Football (read it here) and suddenly I get bombarded with information. I mean there are a whole lot of team so how can you keep track of everything?

Honestly, I don't really "get it" what is so fun to keep track of soccer games. I mean I do play soccer a bit, but that's it. But what make me wonder is I saw Mr G and all other soccer game keep on making status like

This <insert player name> is no good
That team manager is suck badly

That team should buy this player

That player has no chance in that team
That player should play this position doing this and that etc etc

I mean seriously what did you get from saying all of those things? YOU ARE NOT PLAYING NOR INVOLVING IN THAT DAMN GAME!! And they didn't hear you either!!

And the most intriguing things is how can  you choose which team that you will support???

I am sure a lot of people will pick the team with the best performance but then later on when that team flunk, they will leave that team. Oh traitor!!

And some stupid fights between the fans. OMG.

Well I should respect their interest, in the hope that they will respect mine.

Anyhow I do realized the guys that I have crushed on always the one with this stereotype. Which make things more harder for me to get close to them because I don't follow soccer. We got nothing to talk about other that asking about daily habits.

Then I thought if we would be living together, isn't things would be awkward between us, with nothing to talk about?

But I guess with the power of love, you can do anything. Like when I tried to follow Euro 2012. Oh those are the days. Very stressful. So that's important to search for someone who loves you more. Haha

And that's so difficult for me cause I am nobody.

Tired

Went out with friends yesterday, watching the Dark Knight. Yeah it came out in the cinema so late in here.

I am a bit reluctant to go out cause my money is tight. But I'm feeling so bored.

Mr R, the person who is "...homophobic and even when looking for a girlfriend, he is too choosy. He got the Korean guys good look...(refer here) " was also there. Looking good as usual.

During our outing, I can't help to always steals a look at him. When I sat directly in front of him, I always make an eye contact at him while talking until I realized that I've not looking at other people at all (racist! haha)

Anyhow, Mr R has been so annoying as he is. It seems that there is nothing that can satisfy him. Whether it is a movie, game, food, sports, or I guess even woman. And the worst part is I felt so intimidated by him that I have wasted a bit of my brain neurons to pay attention at his likes and dislikes, and thinking ways to please him.

Oh God.

Life is so unfair. Or I think it isn't? A lot of people with the good looks have a very bad attitude while the so-so have a very good one. I guess because good-lookers comes with attractions (good and bad) so they need to build a wall to dispel the bad attraction while the bad-lookers need to work on their personalities to attract people.

But still, I still can't helped thinking that eventhough Mr R is annoying, his good looks and good body is a steals. I mean I think can handles his peeves as long as I can be besides him. Which so against my life principle which is "seek thou happiness" (I just made that up)

Mr H, he is nice alright, but I somehow automatically will teased and annoy him whenever we met. And he annoyed me back. The cycle continues. But I feel I should stop getting close to him, because we couldn't be together. So why waste my energy and keep getting hurt?

I guess that's the power of love. We will do whatever we can just to be beside the one that we love. The stupidity of love. One sided-love that is.

But I am feeling tired.

65 Questions Meme

1. Tell us who the last person that you took a shower with.
With my brother, 17 years ago

2. Tell us about your favourite tee-shirt.
look new, moderate design. not too flowery nor violent. must be comfortable

3. Has anyone ever hit on you even though they knew you were taken?
I am not sure if she was being nice or hitting me. But I'd said none nevertheless

4. Do you plan what to wear the next day?
Nope. I plan when I am about to choose things to wear

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Why?
Full and a bit bloated. I just ate.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's black?
My computer keyboard

7. Tell me about an interesting dream you remember having.
Mr G is PLU. haha

8. Did you or might you meet anybody new today?
Nope. I'm on holiday now, so I just stayed at home, or at my friend's home just a stone throw away

9. If you could be doing anything right now (or perhaps after you finish this ridiculous meme) what would it be?
I wish to do something productive like finishing my laundry and tidying my house but I think I'll end up either playing computer games or watching porn.

10. Can you think of a meme question that's never been asked?
Who's you boo? Ok #lame

11. What comes to mind when I say China?
Big country, lots of people

12. Are you overly emotional?
I don't cry a lot nor getting mad easily. But I think about things a lot. Is that called emotional??

13. If you could listen to just one rock album (CD, vinyl or mp3) which one would you pick?
I don't do rock.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Lick it.

15. Do you eat to live or live to eat?
Eat to live. I will always feel uncomfortable and regret when I overate. but still not bulemic

16. Do you like yourself?
I am not sure. I want to try to be somebody else

17. Would you go out to eat with Charlie Sheen?
Who's is that?

18. What was the last song that you listened to?
 Future Liger - Let's Dance.

19. Are (or were) your parents strict?
Yes they are.

20. Have you ever wondered what attending a wild orgy (if only to watch or...) would be like?
I'd say sexual activity is sacred and should only involved two people who is in love. Public sex, is awkward. And I don't feel comfortable revealing my body to public

21. I say cottage cheese. You say:
Sour. me dislike!

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yes. A few.

23. What was the last movie that you watched at home?
The Avengers.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
My drinking glass lol.

25. What countries have you visited?
Amsterdam, Brussels, Paris, Bourg St Maurice, Geneva, England, Ireland, Saudi Arabia, Egypt

26. Have you ever made a phone call while you were drunk that you've regretted? If yes, do tell.
I don't drink.

27. Where were you going the last time that you were on a train?
From Lancaster to London. It is fun but I regretted my decision cause taking a bus is way cheaper

28. Bacon or sausage?
Sausage

29. How long have you had a cell-phone?
8 years.

30. What other memes do you do regularly?
I don't do memes that often.

31. Who is the craziest meme host?
No idea.

32. Who invented chopsticks?
The Chinese.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Alone. Just got invited to watching movies yeay!!

34. Are you too forgiving?
Maybe. I feel peace.

35. When was the last time that you were in love?
Everytime :'')

36. Tell us about your best friend.
He knows my deepest secret, humble, and not pretentious. But I felt quite sad that he is focusing on his career that we don't contact each other much.

37. What was the stupidest thing you learned in high school?
I like learning.

38. What was the last thing that you cried about?
I missed someone that I could not be with. And also for being like this.

39. What was the last question you asked?
You are not using this blended onion right? haha

40. Favourite thing to do this time of the year?
Rest and sleep. But now I rather go meeting people

41. If you had to get a (or another) tattoo, what would it be?
I will never do a tattoo.

42. How would your best friend describe you?
I am not sure if anyone consider me his best friend. We don't really say things like "You are my best friend" aloud. But most people say I am a good cook.

43. Have you ever seen all three Twilight films?
No.

44. Ever walked into a glass door?
No.

45. Favourite colour on that person that you are attracted to?
Blue, Black, White. I am so jealous of people who can wears white boxer without getting stained haha

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Joke slap.

47. What hair style (for you) would you like to see return?
My long and re-bonded hair. I want to rebond my hair, but am afraid of the hair loss. I think my hair is getting thinner

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Don'r remember. Maybe the Best of Anita Sarawak which was on discount CD 7 years ago.

49. Do looks matter to you?
Yes. But I don't have the right because my look is so-so

50. Could you ever forgive a liar?
I will remember his/her lies whenever I see him/her

51. What's the hardest bill to pay every month?
Internet. Cause I need to go to their center

52. Do you like your life right now?
It could be better.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope

54. Can you handle the truth?
Depends.

55. Do you have good vision?
Physically, I'm on low power short-sighted. Literally, yes I have some plans for the future

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Nope

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not often.

58. What celeb would you like to come home to?
Siwan of ZE:A or Choi Sungmin of Coed School. or Sungmin SuperJunior, or Sandeul B1A4. OMG so many lol

59. What are you wearing?
Old tee and towels. Just got back from the toilet

60. What is your favourite wild animal?
Hurm. I don't have much experience with wild animal. I like tiger or lion provided that they don't eat me.

61. What is your favourite genre of movie?
Romantic comedy, motivation (the one shows a person starts with a loser life later gets improved life), science fiction of technological advancement (I don't like mystery sci-fi).

62. Can you waltz?
No.

63. Do you have a job?
Not yet. Waiting for graduation

64. What was the most recent thing you stole?
Somebody's heart. #lame. I don't steal

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. When I was a little boy. Walking through door is so mainstream

Goodbyes

Yesterday I went to send my friends to the airport.  Between those friends that I sent, there was a guy whom I have a crush on.

This guys is quite mysterious. Not the kind of mysterious person who keep silent (introvert) and keep sitting at the corner but rather, he lives by himself once (as we all shared our rental house/apartments with housemates) and after a year he lives with the juniors.

For me it is mysterious. Because we all live with housemates, and will the people of our batch. But these days the later was not uncommon

What was interesting about him is he is quite good looking. But not really my taste because I like fairer man. He is a gym rat for the last two years (so the yummed body), and the junior that he lived with, are cute. One of them have a Korean look, totally my taste. I still can't forget how I act so stupid in a shop just because that junior was besides me =.=

I started to pay a bit attention to him because during the first year, there was a day, after a prayer, our eyes met and he was the one who ask my name first. I can't stop thinking why did that happen. Because I am nobody. And fat.

I think there could be something going on (read: I want to think that he is a PLU) because he goes to live alone once, and now live with the cute junior. Or rather I guess I want something to go on LOL

The sad part is I am not close to him because we are in the different group with a different schedule. But around the 3rd year and 4th year we start to talk a lot. I think I is because we were in a same group for what, I've forgot.

So after that moment he will greet me whenever our eyes met  he but sometime we just do like we don't know each other. Now that was another weird things.

Somehow I don't know how to react when I met him. But generally if our eyes met I will try make a small talk. Me being nice.

During the last moment before they went to the airport, we hugged. Something that I always look forward with those people that I like. (slut!)

I saw he was talking with my other friend then they hug. They are not that close. My hopes are so high to be hugged next.

I guess it was my fault asking if he will come back for graduation. He was quite stunned, and don't give an exact answer.The he just shake my hand =.= Maybe he was reluctant to tell because I am on the graduation committee. But I don't give a damn actually. I don't to my work well in the committee haha

Then he talks again with other people, as we were waiting for more people to come.

The, the real moment came. We all hugged. Finally. LOL again.

Anyhow, I still feels that my hug is so awkward. Haha. Maybe because the other people hugged just loosely but I want to hug closely. I hope the huggee (hugger and huggee, like employer and employee, get it??) don't feel weird or else I'm doomed

Anyhow I felt so warm after that.

Apart

I am getting depressed nowadays for no reason. Maybe the idle life makes me feels like this. You know, the feeling of unimportant, the feeling of one being useless and the feeling of having no accomplishment that deserves bragging.

Or, maybe because my friends, one by one starting to go back to Malaysia for holidays. Most of them I will be seeing them again during the graduation day but for few of them, this is the last time to see them.

Oh God I am feeling so sad.

***********************************

Yesterday I went to the night prayer wanted to have a look at Mr G but he didn't come. I'm planning to follow him back to his house, having some conversation before he went back to Malaysia. But I guess he can't come to the prayer so maybe he was not in his home. Or maybe he is busy.

This morning, I have a dream being with him. Not the sweaty full of action and desire dream (if you know what I mean) but rather, I am acting all cute and lovey-dovey to him.

I was doing something then I got in an accident like I got something sprained. He attended me. The sprain is not really serious but for some reason I pretend I was in pain and need his support.

So we are on our way while me clinging to him. We talked, and I was taking advantage to do all sort of body contact because we have never been this close. Well maybe we do once but I don't feel as good and a close as this one. It was nothing lustful but I just feel great, comfortable,warm and nice. 

Until during the last moment of my dream, he asked why I am being like a sissy.

God what a bugger. =.=

Throwing the final part away, generally I am very happy. Too bad it was just a dream. Meh.

Extra task

We will be having dinner on October, on the night just before the graduation. And somebody asked me to make a video for the night, just because I've done it before.

At first when they asked me, I rejected the job because I want to relax all the way until the graduation. But however I am interested to be a video editor so I want to give a try. The interest grows more when I watch the USA Olympic Swimming team video

So after a week gone by I re-accepted the offer.

Suddenly after thinking more deeply, I think I do not want to do the job.

Because:

1. not enough time
2. not enough workforce
3. not enough cooperation. my batch mate are so lazy. I doubt that they will send me their videos -.-
4. It is a complimentary work, and I can't sit still to think about people who rest doing nothing when I work hard.
5. My preference is not mainstream.

Regarding the point (5), well I have chosen the song as the background. It is the song that I just knew when I was searching a song related to graduation. And being me, I don't easily like just any song or a specific genre. Some song just feels good to my ear.

Now some people starts to recommend another song to me. Damn so annoying haha.

For now, I'll just do what I've decided. After all, Steve Jobs succeeds because he's a jerk and he don't listen to people.'

And, if no people sends me video, I'll just abandon the project. You don't cooperate, you don't get it.

We don't even have a child

So I've paid for the break-fast. After contemplating for a while, I've decided to treat my ex-housemates, those whom we all have been living together in our first year here.

And for other friends who has treat me before, I'll find other time to do so. For some reason I've been feeling so good till I am literally feeling like a saint. But it is not a bad thing, cause somebody has said make other happy, and you will too.

********************************************

I was printing the label for my housemate's cargo when suddenly the printer's ink depleted. Then a quirky conversation took place when I told him I got a lot of new ink, but I won't be using them cause we all will be going back to Malaysia so I am going to sell them to the junior but I am not sure if there will be anybody who will buy it.

Housemate: How old is your printer?

Me: I'm not sure. I think since we moved in this house together. When did we move in? 5th year? 4th year?

H: I think in the 4th year.

M: That's quite long.

H: Yeah. We have been living together for three years. But we don't even have a child. (evil grin)

M: It's your fault! You are infertile.

H: Well I guess we were doing anal sex so of course we can't conceive.

M: ......

**********************************************

That's how we are. We really don't doing sex together as he is straight (he got tons of straight porn, even the kinkiest of straight porn), and he is totally not my taste, but usually we makes gay couple jokes. And sometimes our batch friend also doing so, like when seeing I was walking alone (as I always do) they will ask where is your husband/wife (interchangeably).

Like they say, to hide a leaf, hide it in the forest, so to keep living in the closet, sometimes I do gay jokes but most of them I said it from my heart haha. I love how I can touch somebody pretending to make a joke while in actuality I am trying to harass them LOL

Bored

We have been happily skipping the pre-internship. Haha.

There are many reasons to do so apart from the already present trait of laziness. One of them is the resident in charge don't really takes the effort to teach us. Second the schedules suck big time. We need to go to the hospital with a taxi but then the last time I went there, we are supposed to do ward round but the resident who was on duty for our round is on duty for outpatient clinic so we need to wait until the resident finished his/her duty. A waste of time. Third, we don't really doing anything medically significant at all.

Anyhow, nowadays life has never been so good. ^_^

I skipped the pre-internship yesterday, and today is the department closing time while tomorrow will be the weekend holidays. So basically I got three days off. Tee hee hee.

However, thing does felt a little bit weird.

I mean I finished the exams last two weeks, and last week I have that horrible 12-hours pre-internship. Which means, I've kinda having a hectic life.

But now, I feel so bored. Just laying on the bed, checking the facebook and twitter every now and then. I'd say I felt like useless LOL.

Even when I want to play computer games, I still felt bored. It is still a wonder why games and TV series best to be watch around the period of examinations haha.

Choosing friends

It is the fasting month of Ramadhan. We have done with our exams, and now enjoying the moment before the result comes out while having the pre-internship.

Anyhow, I think now is the perfect time to do my postponed birthday party. Or rather, birthday break-fast. People are supposed to do birthday party to the birthday boy but I think for my batch it is the opposite (-.- ").

I have few close friends, those I've known them for 6 years. I've decided to treat them by eating out as they live far from my house.

I am planing to cook something for my birthday celebration for my other friends. The question now is who will be invited?

It is such a headache to think who I will I invite, who I will not. Because when I invites a person from a house, my conscience said that it would not be nice if I don't invite his housemates.

The rules is simple. Equivalent exchange. You treated me before, I'll treat you. So I guess those who don't treat me back after I treat them before, won't be invited.

I felt a bit hurt that some of the people that I treat before don't treat me back. I don't want to be calculative but really, if you treat me, I won't ask for the most expensive food.

On the other hand, the are a few people who I want to treat just because I like their looks (slut!).

I feel jealous of these people because they don't have to be polite and stayed being a jerk yet because people will still talks to them. I knew one of them who always complain. -.-

As for me, I need to work hard to please others (but I don't always do that anymore).

Talking about being calculative, I think all the above feeling comes because I am being stingy. But really, I am so jealous of those who don't really spends their money to please people but somehow people aware of their presence and will always invites them to every party.

I am suck at socializing. again.

Skin

I am not blessed with good skin. I still remember the awkwardness of getting my first pimples, during standard 6. And everybody just can't stop commenting, and not forgetting giving various absurd advice and recommendation.

My face is getting better now because I think I have gone past puberty but the scar is there.

My father has a fair skin, while my mother has darker skin. I am blessed with my father's skin. My brother who was born before me got my mother's skin, and my mother told me that my brother got teased in the school a lot.

During the hot days, my mother would wore clothes that shows her back in the house. And her back is not really pretty.

And I think I got her back (no pun intended).

I don't like being shirtless in public unless I got no choice and even that would be done in split second and as less skin bare as I could with no people looking. It is mostly because I feel uncomfortable doing so in the presence of people, and also I felt ashamed that my skin and body is not in a good shape.

It is Summer in here. Previously I just slept with my shirt on but this year I started sleeping with my shirt off because it is so hot and also I have this theory that some people got a nice back because they sweat less in their shirt. So no shirt=no sweating

However right now my back feels so uncomfortable and a bit dry. When I rub my hands on them, it feels a bit scaly. And when I took a photo of my back, it was so horrible with red spots. I think right now being shirtless in public is a no-no T_T

I am so jealous of Mr G and Mr H. They both got fair skin, and sexy back. I am so stressed why I am not blessed with the good skin genetics? And I guess their genetics makes them sweat less, so the good skin was not because they wore the shirt less

I sweat so much (-.- ")

I believe everybody have their own positive and negative aspect. I wonder if they got good skin, what would be their negative aspect? Mr H would be being short (LOLs). But Mr G??

Sometimes it bothers me that even if I am to confess my feeling to them, or to any of gay people out there, my very very bad skin is a total turn off. And I definitely not deserve to expect pretty boy.

Damn it is so frustrating. 

I can't be vain.