What if

Today I played futsal again. I came a bit later that the starting time. Still, my housemate and I was the earliest.

As usual, of course I was waiting for Mr H and Mr G to come. To have my eye feast on them. That's one the reason I came LOL. But in the end, only Mr G came. And I don't felt as eager to play tonight because I was not in the same team as Mr G. Too bad.

Mr H did call me later on because he want to come to my house. I wondered why he didn't play tonight? Does he do so for the sake of coming to my house?? Is this a sign?

Still, we joked a bit, asking him to let me score a goal. Well I am not as pro as him. And also, I asked him about the incoming graduation day. I feel so bad for him because his parent can not make it to the ceremony. But he said that his sister is coming. Well at least there is going to be a family member to accompany him. 

Anyhow, after my short conversation with Mr G, my other friends was asking him if he want to go to the toilet. Because they said it is better to go in group. And that other friend jokingly said they could make the human meat "sword fight" to while being there. Haha these people really.

And suddenly before Mr G left to the toilet, he asked me if I want to follow them. Well I still don't believe going to the toilet in groups. Haha. Yet I am felt honored cause he invite me. Is this a sort of sign, again? I mean he does said to our other friends that he want to follow them later on but only after finished talking to me. 

OMG so sweet. To be honest I don't have a hard feeling if one wanted to leave during our conversation but I just love his gesture. Does he has some feelings for me too or does he just being nice?

Anyway, I am so going to take picture with him later on during the graduation days.

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I still got my pain from the my sprained left ankle during the last game. And too bad tonight my right ankle is in pain. But it was not severe. I guess. At least I still can walk.

Anyway I don't play much tonight. Not only I have pain in my feet, most of my team is not a pro player so I guess we me being the worst player so I'll just sit at the side letting other more pro player to replace me. So after a while it was Mr G and his team turn to play.

Well he is a well know pro soccer player. His skills is so amazing. I like to look at how he plays.

Then it struck me. This is so like high school. Like you are the nerd (of course girls) but then you have a crush on the school jocks. LOL

I am so depressed for a while. Always, when I looked at him, I always thought why I have this abnormal feelings? Why I was not born as a woman? Or why I don't have my lust to women? Why? Why?

I feel so tired and frustrated because I can only look at the people that I like from a far. If I was a girl, at least there should be some hope. Well maybe if I was a girl I won't be attractiveness enough for him.

Still, it won't be weird as I am right now to imagine that I was holding his hand, looking at his face with love and taking care of his needs. Seriously, I am willing to be his housewife.

But life is no bed of roses.

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When I arrived home, I watched some Korean drama, the Rooftop Prince. This episode shows that Park Ha, the girl, thought that the Prince has gone back to Old Seoul, the Joseon era, and she was crying.

Suddenly this brings back a memory back then when I was little. I have many friends, but I always need to move because of my parents 'jobs. Or sometimes my friends was moving away.

It is so sad. The feeling of knowing that you are not going to see you friend anymore. Or at least, it would be hard to see them again. I am so totally going to cherish this moment until the graduation day. And I am so going to cry hard. 

To think I won't be able to meet Mr G and Mr H. GOsh it is so sad.