Being others

Today I played futsal again. And for tonight, Mr G and Mr H both came down. As usual we both have some little chat but for some reason.... I felt empty.

Mr G was being himself will try to make a conversation with everybody on the futsal place. Well he is well known to be a friendly person. I love it when good looking person being friendly because I myself is not really a conversation starter. 

I only talk to people whenever the situation ask me for it. I still remember my first pick up line during childhood whenever I am making my conversation was asking to borrow eraser from others when I actually got my own eraser. OK my life is so sad.

And for some weird reason, it is easier for me to make friends with the girls than the boys. I think that is how I am biologically wired. I got the tendency as a women thus this gay feeling. I think if I was a girl, I must be popular, and people would really take me seriously. For now because I don't talk much and being timid, no one really hears me out. Maybe if I was a girl I would be the leader. One who will be respected.

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I was well known among my batch mates that I am adept at cooking, mostly cakes. Sometimes it was inevitable for people to associate you with your expertise. Like during the old age English people was known as Smith, Baker etc.

Anyhow, I feel quite uneasy because whenever he talks to me, his talk will end up with topic regarding me making cheesecakes. Like he was asking, "what are you doing tomorrow? Baking cheesecake?". And also things like, "So you put this inside the box the tomorrow it will turned into a cheesecake!!". It is really that meaningless sentences but as a good crush (LOLS) I just laughed.

Seriously I am touched by his effort to chat with me but don't you think I have other things to do? Like can't he think of another topics to talk?

People said stupid people will turned you off but I guess today is not the day.

Well, it was inevitable that we both don't really have many things in common. I should be grateful that at least he makes the effort. <3 <3 <3

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Today one of my friends who is a bit softies like me came to the futsal place because he wants to take the meal that being sold there. Well, he don't seem to be gay by my gaydar but from my softiesradar I think he's one like me.

Maybe he don't show that he likes men but he does have soft voice and excels in field that involving giving speech like debate.

We both knew typical softies don't plays sport so as usual we teased each other as asking why u no play sports LOL. And tonight again he is teasing my by asking why after all six years I've been playing suddenly I went to play futsal? And keep making his disbelieved voice lol.

So as a typical softies answer would be, I said, "I want to be a true man. I have repent for all my past behavior" . Ironically I said that in effeminate voice. And he added that, "So you FINALLY found you true self? Good for you bitch!"

And we laughed very hard. For some reason, I feel so great and like part of me has awoken. Like I'm being myself again and I feel my burden to pretend has lifted.

And that laugh was a good one. I don't care if other people listened to our conversation lols.

Well I guess being our self is easy because we don't need to put too much effort to pretend being other but as a motivator has said, "Don't be yourself, be the best of yourself"

So I guess I should stop playing futsal (which I am quite suck at it) and concentrating on making delicious cakes?? Hmmm intriguing.