Back for good

I went back to Malaysia for good on 18th October. I used to feel excited that I finally able to leave that country, but for some weird reason, I felt sad.

I think I am not sad because I missed the country's people nor the scenery, but because of the easy and simple life by being a student.


I mean, I was literally was paid just to study.

Nevertheless, I also felt angry when seeing graduation photo on Facebook that belongs to my batchmate.

As I said in previous posts before, the university administration has arranged us according to rank, and not only that, they even gave the scroll colour, according to your cGPA.

The brown scroll for cGPA 3.5 and above, green for 3. to 3.49, and the rest was blue. I got blue scroll.

So many photos of me, taking pictures with my friend who was holding a green, or better, brown scroll. Damn it.

There was also a complimentary souvenir. The size also given according to the cGPA. The top scorer got a transparent plate, with some text on it, at the size of A4 paper.

For me, I got something like the medal that you got in athletics. -.-

I... maybe regret taking this course.....

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Meanwhile, my study groupmate decided that they are going to meet the night before the day of my flight back.

In my group, only two of us who got the blue file. One of them is of course, me, and another one, already left to Malaysia.

What I meant was, the people who decided to meet up, was the top scorer.

I waited for two hours, but they don't come. They don't even reply on the event that they created on the Facebook.

And mysteriously, my post on the event, complaining the absence of them, disappeared.

I was rage. I got lots of things to settle, and I haven't finish packing my luggage yet. So I just went back to my home, even though suddenly they were claiming that the were coming.

When I got back home, I cried. For no reasons.

Or maybe, because of regret, or hurt, of so many other things.

One, I felt humiliated during the graduation day. My parent naively asking where my plate were. Of course I said I don't get it due to my low pointer.

Second, those top scorer, they may study so well. But their human relationship is bad. They got no manner. Well they are nice people, but they don't really took care of other people feeling. (read: not being sensitive). Heck, during our study group discussion, they did in half-heartedly. But they are the most celebrated on the graduation day

Thirdly, I felt regret. I am convinced that I will most definitely get distinction if I change my course

Fourth, I am sad to separate with my crushes, and as I was being depressed, I also keep on thinking why I can't be normal like others. I mean, there's hope to be with my crushes if I was a girl.

I showed some disappointment to Mr H, whose house were used for the gathering. Mr H, whom previously being so hard to locate during the graduation day when I want to take pictures with him, (and after that I expect nothing more from him) suddenly being so nice on that night.

He insist that I stayed a bit.

But I was busy, and I got works to do.

When I arrived at home, I got calls from them. But I did not answer them.

So rage and emo.

F*ck!